By Your Side
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: Mello knew the disease was bad. But how much time did Matt have left? Rated T for Teen. deathfic. songfic to By Your Side by Tokio Hotel. oneshot


**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, Tokio Hotel or their songs. **

**Hey yo! It's Mika-chan! This was sad to write, I'll say that much. I'm in a Tokio Hotel kind of mood now and this just came in my head the other day. Once again, this goes out to blackdragonflower and Arina Kusajishi. I hope you guys like it! **

**Just a note: this is going to be EXACTLY the way I wanted my other story Hold My Hand to end. I have given up on it since I don't really have anything to go on. So this story is going to be a short and condenced version of the story. That being said...let the deadly tale begin!**

_No one knows how you feel. No one there you'd like to see. The day was dark and full of pain. You write "help" with your own blood 'cause hope is all you've got. You open up your eyes, but nothing's changed._

Matt stepped off the bus, hearing the doors close behind him, and walked down the sidewalk. The sound of his feet hitting the pavement echoed in his ears. All nearby sounds were silenced except his footsteps, as if the sound was the toll of a bell signalling how much time Matt had left in the world.

He'd been feeling strange for a while. Acting on Mello's suggestion, he had gone to the doctor to see what was wrong, but they couldn't find anything. It was probably just a cold or something minor. Nothing to worry about.

About two months later, Matt was feeling worse. Nothing he did would help him feel better. That's when Matt decided that he should have a more thorough examination. Mello had wanted to go with him, just in case the news was bad, but Jack and Skyer had called the blonde in for a sudden mission, leaving Matt to go alone.

The test itself wasn't so bad, in Matt's opinion. The horrible part was waiting forever for the results to come back. With each second the clock ticked, a year went by for the redhead. It felt like a millennium had passed before Matt got the results back. And they weren't good by any means.

Leukaemia.

_I don't want to cause you trouble; don't want to stay too long. I just came here to say to you…_

As soon as the word left the doctor's lips, Matt's heart stopped. No one wanted something as terrible as Leukaemia. Who in their right mind would? Matt knew what the disease did to those who had it. He knew what their bodies endured so they could take control of the horrid affliction. He knew how many died from Leukaemia each year. Matt hadn't wanted to become a statistic like the others. Now he had no choice.

The first option was to try chemo, which Matt hadn't wanted to do. Fortunately, the disease was at an early stage so if Matt could take control of the disease before it racked his body, he would stand a good chance of survival.

There was, however, the chance that he wouldn't make it, that the disease would take over and destroy him. But Matt had absolutely no intention of letting the wicked affliction get that far.

_Turn around. I am here. If you want, it's me you'll see. Doesn't count. Far or near. I can hold you when you reach for me._

The hard part would be telling Mello. When Matt had first gotten sick, Mello hadn't thought much about it. He figured his game-obsessed lover would shake off whatever he had. When he didn't get better, Mello started to worry. And with good reason.

When they were still living at Wammy's, Matt and Mello had been playing a card game when Roger had pulled the blonde aside and into his office. It was then that Mello had found out about his parents. His father had killed his mother when the blonde was hardly a year old, leaving a young Mello in the custody of his father. Mello was left alone at the age of three when his father died of Leukaemia, at which time he was sent to an orphanage in northern Germany, a few miles away from his father's home. When he was six, Mello was transferred to Wammy's House in England, where he stayed until he left at the age of fourteen.

Mello had no idea why Roger had told him about his past, but he was glad he had now. Since his father had died of Leukaemia, Mello could stand a chance at getting the terrible disease. Mello figured that Roger had only told him because he had to. He was glad that he knew, now that his best friend might have the same disease that killed his father. And he did.

_Your life is meaningless. Your diary full of trash. It's so hard to get along with empty hands. You're looking for the rainbow. But it died not long ago. It tried to shine just for you until the end._

Opening the door to the apartment, Matt's emerald eyes found Mello sitting on the couch watching some reality show on MTV, a half-eaten bar of chocolate in his hand. When the door shut, Mello's aquamarine eyes snapped to Matt and a worried look spread across his face.

"Well?" Mello asked, the worried look still in his eyes.

Matt didn't want to talk about it. The news had sent a wave of depression washing over him and he was drowning in the emotion and his thoughts created by them.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" Mello asked. "Matt, what's wrong?"

Matt didn't respond right away. He knew Mello would find out anyway, so he decided that the best thing to do was to get it over with.

"It's Leukaemia, Mels." Matt said grimly.

"Oh man, Matt." Mello shook his head sadly, knowing at once what Leukaemia meant. "How bad is it?"

"It's not bad right now. They want to start me on chemo ASAP so I can control this thing." Matt said, leaning heavily against the counter.

"What, can't you get rid of this?" Mello wrapped his arm around Matt's waist in a comforting gesture.

"It'll always be inside me, but it might be suppressed." Matt explained. "I could relapse at any moment."

"But since we caught it early, that couldn't happen, right?" Mello asked nervously.

"Hopefully." Matt said with a nod.

_I don't want to cause you trouble; don't want to stay too long. I just came here to say to you…_

"But there's always a chance that I could die from this, Mello." Matt said.

"Not while I'm here, you're not." Mello said fiercely, pulling the redhead close.

"You can't keep me from dying, Mels." Matt said.

"No, but I can make sure you don't give up. And I'm _not_ going to let you die alone, if you do die." Mello said.

"We're all going to die someday." Matt said.

"Now I _know_ something's wrong with you." Mello looked shocked at his lover. "The Matt I know wouldn't sound so depressed."

"That's before I found out that I could be dead in a few months." Matt broke free from Mello's embrace and paced the kitchen floor, running his fingers through his wild red hair.

"All the more reason to try to stay positive." Mello said. "If you _do_ have a few months to live, which I hope to hell not, you shouldn't be so pessimistic about it."

"How can I be happy when I might die soon, Mels?" Matt demanded.

"Hey, I wouldn't be so chipper about it, but you need to enjoy what time you have left." Mello said. "But we shouldn't be talking about that."

"Yeah…" Matt said slowly.

"When are you going in?" Mello asked. "You know, for the chemo?"

"Tomorrow." Matt said.

"And for how long?" Mello asked.

"What do you mean?" Matt frowned.

"How long are you going to need to get chemo?" Mello explained.

"About two months to start off." Matt replied. "If that doesn't

work, we'll try it again."

"And is there a back up plan?" Mello's eyes were filled with anxiety.

"Not right now." Matt shook his head.

"Well, I'm going to be here for you, no matter what you say." Mello said, wrapping his arms around Matt.

"I'd understand if you left, Mels." Matt said.

"What kind of lover would I be if I left you when you needed me?" Mello rubbed his head against Matt's neck. "And I _know_ you'll need me."

_I'm by your side. Just for a little while._

And Mello was true to his word and stayed with Matt. The first chemo session was like hell for the gamer. He was so drained that he didn't want to play video games, which meant that Matt had to be feeling pretty horrible. Mello drove Matt to and from chemo sessions, since Matt was in no condition to drive after the chemo, and the redhead was always relieved to go home so he could sleep.

Matt could notice the changes in his body, too. He was sick a lot, which he had been expecting, and he slept for most of the day. He was surprised to find that his hair wasn't falling out, however. Mello had told him that he'd probably start loosing it after a few sessions, but after two months of chemo, Matt still had the tangled mess of red hair.

Unfortunately, the Leukaemia in Matt's body hadn't been affected very much by the first round of chemo treatments. Matt had been crushed when he heard the news, but agreed to have another two months of chemo. So he had to endure the agony of the sessions, wishing that it would be over.

Even though he wasn't the one with Leukaemia, this whole process was hurting Mello. He couldn't stand seeing his boyfriend suffer like this when there wasn't anything he could do. He knew that Matt appreciated his presence, but Mello wished that he could do something else to help out his lover.

_Turn around. I am here. If you want, it's me you'll see. Doesn't count. Far or near. I can hold you if you reach for me._

They had made slow progress. Matt would get better, and then he'd get worse, the cycle repeating at random. It was torturous for him while he withstood the painful treatment, but he always hoped that he might be free of the affliction that was trying to dominate his body.

But then Matt got worse, much worse. And he wouldn't get better. He got so bad that he ended up in the hospital. After stepping out of Matt's room, the doctors told Mello that Matt only had a few hours to live. The malignant cells in Matt's body were taking over, killing the few good cells left. Mello had been told that it would be a miracle if Matt even lasted through the night and that he should be prepared to say his goodbye.

Mello stayed by Matt right to the painful, heartbreaking end. He knew that Matt was trying his hardest to stay alive, but his body couldn't take much more torment. The chemo had destroyed him and it was only a matter of time before the Leukaemia would win.

"Mello…" Matt whispered, his voice so quiet that Mello almost didn't hear him.

"Don't speak." Mello shushed him softly. "Don't say anything."

"But I…need to tell…you something." It was growing harder for Matt to say even a simple sentence.

"What is it?" Mello asked, taking Matt's hand in his and squeezing it ever so gently.

"I…love you…Mello." Matt said.

"I love you too, Matt." Mello said, tears glistening in his eyes because he realized that Matt's suffering was almost over.

Matt gave Mello a small smile before his gorgeous emerald eyes closed for the last time.

_If the world makes you confused and your senses you seem to loose. If the storm doesn't wanna diffuse and you just don't know what to do. Look around. I am here. Doesn't count. Far or near. _

The days after Matt's death were unbearable for Mello. Everything he saw, everything he did, reminded him of Matt. He couldn't do anything without being reminded of his boyfriend. Matt was even in his dreams. When he woke up, Mello would find fresh tears running from the cerulean eyes, that he had been crying in his sleep. There was just no way to escape the reality that his beloved boyfriend was dead.

He had to keep reminding himself that Matt wasn't suffering anymore, that he was in a better place. Yet that didn't stop Mello from wanting to be with him. He wanted to see him, talk to him, hold him in his arms again. But Matt was gone, gone and never coming back.

_I am by your side. Just for a little while._

Mello was a wreck at Matt's funeral. For one thing, he'd been awake the entire night before the funeral, so he was obviously feeling the consequences of sleep deprivation. The biggest reason was probably because he had to bury his lover at the tragically young age of nineteen. He felt like the time he'd spent with Matt was cut frightfully short, which it had been. He'd known Matt for a good part of his life, but they'd been lovers for a few short years. This was _not_ how Mello wanted their relationship to end.

The funeral was short, fortunately for Mello, because he couldn't handle a longer one. He was loosing it enough as it was and they hadn't even gotten to the cemetery yet. Loosing Matt was breaking Mello's heart and he wanted the pain to numb and fade away.

One of the hardest parts of the funeral for Mello was walking past the open coffin. Matt could have been sleeping, but Mello knew that this was a slumber from which he'd never wake up. The emerald eyes were closed, but his face was peaceful and his hands were folded on top of his chest. Weeks before he died, Matt had told Mello that he didn't want to be buried in anything fancy, so Matt was dressed in his favourite outfit. The mauve and black-stripped shirt stood out in contrast with the attire of the congregation, and the goggles were hung around his neck. Matt didn't want to have people remember his funeral because he was dressed in something he'd never wear. He wanted to be dressed as if he was just asleep and could wake up at any moment.

When they at last reached the cemetery, the congregation stood around the coffin. It was raining and the sky was a miserable shade of grey. It was almost as if the sky was trying to match everyone's mood and it was doing a pretty good job of doing so. The preacher said a few words and the service was finished. While everyone else walked back to the church, Mello stayed behind, wanting to say a proper goodbye. When he tried to speak, nothing would come out right. So he laid the crimson rose on the coffin and walked out of the cemetery, resisting the urge to look behind at the grave of his lover.

_Turn around. Turn around. I am here. Turn around. Doesn't count. Far or near. Turn around. If you want it's me you'll see. Turn around. I can hold you when you reach for me. Turn around. I am here. Doesn't count. Far or near._

Mello found himself walking up that same path a year later on the day that Matt had died. In his hand was a single crimson rose. The fingers clutched the flower so tightly that the thorns cut into his skin, allowing a trail of blood to run down the stem. The sky was darkening and ominous grey rain clouds were coming over the horizon.

He had made a point to visit Matt's grave on the anniversary of his death, even if it meant turning down a mission. Skyer had wanted him to kidnap some rich person's daughter, but Mello had shaken it off. He wanted to see Matt and that's exactly what he was going to do.

Mello knew that he should say something, even though he'd look stupid. Talking to Matt would help ease the pain of loosing him, even if it was a year ago. Yet Mello didn't want to say anything that would make Matt upset. He knew that Matt was probably watching him from somewhere and he didn't want to make Matt feel any worse about leaving the blonde behind.

"Hey, Matt. It's Mello. I guess you know it's the anniversary of your death, huh? It was hard to watch, Matt, it really was. And it's still hard to think about." Mello could feel the tears forming in his eyes, but he tried to ignore them. "I knew I'd miss you, Matt, but I didn't think I'd miss you this much. I can't stand living without you. I mean, really, what am I living for if you're not here?"

A drop of water fell from the sky and landed on Mello's face. Soon, millions beyond millions of raindrops were falling as Mello tried to continue.

"I'm not going to kill myself, Matt, because I know you wouldn't like it. I hope you're happy, wherever you are, and that you'll make sure that I don't do something stupid." Mello said, allowing the tears to fall from his cerulean eyes. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've decided that I'm not going to see anyone else. No one can replace what you were to me."

Mello simply stood before the grave and allowed the tears to rush from his eyes and be lost amongst the raindrops. After a few moments, he placed the rose on top of the tombstone and walked away, turning to look back before he continued up the hill.

_I am by your side. Just for a little while. We'll make it if we try…_

**I was crying by the end. Man, this was sad! I hope it wasn't too cheesy, though. I'll write requests for anyone who wants something done. Just message me and let me know. review? thanks for reading!**


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